Tuesday, April 03, 2007

WHAT I'M DOING NOW

Things are going well at the moment, touch wood.

I have an interview with the royal mail tomorrow morning. I am still debating on whether i would take the job if i got it as it would muck up my benefits. I am not sure if I am hesitant because I'm not ready or if i am just scared, after all it has been nearly two years since i worked. The plus side of the job is i would only be working till 10.30 each morning so i would have my days to myself if i still want to study or do something else. The bad side is i would no longer be on incapacity benefit.

I feel i am growing spiritually at the moment, things have definitely been different since my baptism and i feel God wants to do good things in my life.

I have got to learn and let myself go when worshipping the big man but feel i am still reserved because of the things which have happened in my life. I feel if i open up too much then i am liable to attack or worse, misunderstanding.

That's what i felt when i was labeled unwell, misunderstood. I still feel that sometimes i am misunderstood as my views come out sideways but i have learned to structure them so people hear what i am saying. Too often in the past i would start from the middle of the point and then jump around till i got it out which isn't too easy to follow if you are the listener, also sometimes i would be talking about a few points at once. I need to slow down and take one point at a time, then explain my view from the beginning.

I have learned that having a conversation is all about the other person, i.e. we need to make sure the other person is up too speed with what we're talking about and if not then explain things in a clearer way for them.

Everybody is worth talking too and one of my big mistakes last year is i didn't listen, I have realised that listening is the single most important thing i can do as through listening i learn.

Learn to listen and listen to learn.

People and Me

People have a big impact on each other and sometimes not enough attention is paid to this. You can influence somebodies day by a simple act like giving them a big smile when you see them in the morning. Being happy is contagious so it can be passed around like this.

If a smile can effect a person then imagine what words can do to them so we have to be careful on what we say when we converse with someone. We should pick the right words as words are very powerful. Something we may have regarded as flippant and nonsensical couldm have a big impact on a person's day.

People are like sponges and absorb everything which goes on around them. We have too learn to be more aware of our output as people as well as watching what we allow to enter into our minds and hearts from others around us. I have wrote a song covering this:

WATCHING WHAT THEY SAY
WHOSE TALKING TO YOU TODAY
SEE WHAT THEY SEE
BECOMING WHAT YOUR MEANT TO BE

TRY TOO BE YOURSELF
NOT ANOTHER BOOK ON THE SHELF
TAKING IN WHAT YOU NEED
WATCH FOR THE PLANTED SEED

PEOPLE AROUND EVERYWHERE
THEIR WORDS FILL THE AIR
EFFECTING YOU IN EVERY WAY
BEWARE OF WHAT YOU PAY

CHORUS
BECOME WHO YOU ARE AND NOT WHO YOU'VE BECOME
LISTEN TO LEARN AND LEARN TO LISTEN
BECOME WHAT YOU ARE AND NOT WHAT YOU'VE BECOME
LEARN TOO SEE WE'RE ALL ONE.

I am going to wind this post up with the words 'I LOVE YOU.'  These words are so important because love beats everything, i.e. self worthlessness, paranoia, dread etc so learn to say and feel these words as much as possible.

I LOVE YOU ONE AND ALL

God Bless

Billy Murray

2 comments:

weebillymurray said...

Its funny but i dont remember writing this at all.

William Murray said...

This post is a little paradoxical because the latter part of it contain which i believe to be some wise and essentialy true words and sentiments that have could only have come from somewhere and someone who has great faith in god but the first part of the post is evident that i simply don't have any real belief and faith in myself or who i am or what god has planned for me but i can hopefully and honestly say that reading this again has totally inspired me because i didn't realise until right now that god had already done an alnost complete week in me and that I've have came so far down the road as i have because i would never speak or believe any of the numerous negative comments that i made in the post like i don't know if I'm ready and that the bad side of getting job is i wouldn't be on incapacity because i now know that i can achieve everything and anything i want and don't have to define my self by what society has deemed i might be or telly on benefits because god will always provide my daily bread.